what is it about writing that makes my legs itch?

as soon as i settle down for a nice bash at the keyboard, i begin to notice things. the same things, interestingly, that i noticed the few times i attempted to settle down for a nice bout of meditation. my skin itches in variable spots. i suddenly feel i have too many eyelashes and certainly one or more of them is about to drop into my eye and slide up under the lid. i have to pee. that leaf i'm focusing on, the one floating in the stream as i allow every other bit of flotsam to pass on by, keeps shouting distracting things to me. "you've got all the creative juice of an old raisin." . . . "what? you think you're up to a story? with a plot? all right. belly up if you've got the stones, but i wager there's not a conclusion fit for my mum's teat in there." apparently, the leaf floating in my zen stream is a pissy brit. (no offense, dom--you're fabulous! don't ever change.)

when i tried meditation several years ago, i discovered i have what's referred to as 'the monkey mind'. my thoughts are a constant jumble of activity--not necessarily useful, creative activity--and slowing them down is tantamount to death for me. i resisted clearing my mind because i was afraid if the thoughts slowed and disappeared, they might never come back. not that i feared coma. i was afraid of losing the buzz that keeps me constant company. i don't know any other way to be. sometimes the jumpy brain gets in my way, but more often it gives me those sparks of inspiration.

i don't feel i can summon a creative thought when i need one, but i have faith that if i sit and muse long enough, i'll have a germ of an interesting idea. and that's enough for me. i wouldn't want my ideas to come to me too easily--i know me, and i'd just take them for granted.

so, that itchy leg and that hairy eye? i'm keeping 'em. to me, they're just another tool to finding the next story. hopefully, not every story of mine is gonna have a hairy eye in it.

http://www.scribophile.com/authors/laurie-paulsen/works/scratching-the-surface/

*edit: these serendipitous moments are what make life worth living, yes? i reposted my year-old eyeball story yesterday and received today an invitation to publish the thing in the April 2009 issue of Ruthless Peoples Magazine!! Woop!! so, bad news: i've gotta take it down for a few months. good news: you can read it for free on april 14th at www.ruthlesspeoples.com!! go now and subscribe for updates! gehee.*