i found this compelling and beautiful lecture by elizabeth gilbert at www.ted.org:
http://ted.org/index.php/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html
she talks about the flaw in associating creativity with suffering, and the talk progresses to rethinking how we see creativity altogether--as more of a borrowed genius than an intrinsic belonging to ourselves. give her a listen.
thinking about her theory of genius, i started to feel better about my six-week crisis of confidence with my own writing. i begin to see the benefit in not believing my own hype, in approaching writing as a learned skill to be practiced, and not sparks of inspiration to be tossed onto the page like word salad. i've avoided analyzing my writing closely, superstitious about looking too closely and discovering there's nothing between the threads on the page--that close examination would cause my attempts to evaporate in the heat.
but maybe forcing myself to look is the best answer. elizabeth gilbert talks about the fear associated with creativity, and she acknowledges she feels it, too. this shared humility is inspiring, and that locked pit in my stomach is hopefully opening a bit, letting me remember storytelling for the joy and connection with others. i'm hopeful i'll learn how to write again through this adjusted perspective, and maybe this time develop skills based on confidence of message and technique, instead of relying on magic and instinct. maybe i'll figure out how to blend them together to create something truly special.
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Laurie, you can do it! You are a great writer and if you want it you can have it, just don't give up. Remember, if it wasn't hard it wouldn't be worth doing.
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I've seen this as well. The challenge of any individual in our society is to not attach to outcomes and channel the creative process unabashedly and edit later. Expression, through thought, behavior, or form, is the only thing we have - greatness is a passing sentiment - a social pulse that stops throbbing often before the body is dead.
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