I'm trying to approach my situation with a more objective eye, which will be a refreshing change from the hand-wringing I've been allowing myself the past (mrmphmm) number of months.
In case you're not familiar, my situation is one of blockage.
Creative constipation is a common issue, one with several potential solutions, but also dreaded. I see it as akin to sexual impotence. The power of suggestion creates the problem in most cases, and will intensify the degree to which the problem mainfests. When we can relax about it, it eases up, creating a Chinese fingertrap of the process. This helps me wrap my head around it with a clear image to visualize, and we all know the first step is to recognize the problem.
I'm stumbling back into writing. It's a herky-jerky experience: clumsy, embarrassing, frustrating, and exhilarating. Because at least I'm fricking trying. I haven't given up. I haven't killed the urge. What cracks me up is the image of the poor constipated soul straining over the toilet who makes tangible progress one morning and falls right off the toilet seat because he's out of practice.
I can feel I'm not where I was, both in confidence and ability. I'm beating at these stories with rusted clubs, when last year I would've used filament wire to shape them. The dents are noticeable, and those stories from last year feel like they were written by someone else. The realization confidence plays a larger role in the process and the end result is what's exhilarating. And terrifying. Learning how to use punctuation or grammar is concrete, black/white, right/wrong, and not considered exciting by most people. The difficult stuff, the aspects requiring judgment and subtlety, those need confidence from the writer. Confidence both in the ability but also in the story the writer's trying to tell. How many of us have enough control over our thinking to switch gears from hesitant to adventurous? To find that oomph and intrepid spirit again?
I don't know if I do, but I haven't given up. Part of me is watching this whole experience from a distance, stashing and cannibalizing it for future stories. That's a good sign, right?
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That's a VERY GOOD sign Laurie! I'm excited to see you back. Frankly, I don't notice from your post today that you have any difficulties writing. You must hide it well.
ReplyDeleteI left Scribophile and then rejoined with another name. You see, I had my own writing crisis and gave it up. Then I reconsidered. Kind of feels like I just fell off the toilet.
Welcome back!
Hey, Pam--
ReplyDeleteGood to hear from you! I'm glad you're back, too. :) It's encouraging to know somewhere out there another writer is climbing back onto the porcelain throne with me. Well, not with me. You know what I mean.
Yay! <--Is what I mean.
(Who are you on scrib now?)
My new scrib name is Samo Pug. I have no idea why- it means nothing. I couldn't figure out how to reactivate my old account and mostly just wanted to read the forums and blogs. Thus... Samo Pug. HA!
ReplyDeleteMight be awhile (if ever) before I submit anything. I took four months of online classes end of last year and the critiquing, while immensely helpful, wore me the hell out.
I know people say writers have to have a thick skin and what not, but mine has never been thick at all. I have to take my critiques in small doses, process, reevaluate, decide what I feel about it.
And yes- it's great to be climbing back on the porcelain throne. I'm honored to sit with you. :-))
"What cracks me up is the image of the poor constipated soul straining over the toilet who makes tangible progress one morning and falls right off the toilet seat because he's out of practice."
ReplyDeleteThat's the LAST time I let you have access to my webcam, young missy.
"The realization confidence plays a larger role in the process and the end result is what's exhilarating."
Confidence is very nearly everything. It comes through in the cadence of the written language: it's what tells the reader that although they might not *get* what's been written, they'll nevertheless *believe* it.
And being able to fake confidence is even better than that.
"How many of us have enough control over our thinking to switch gears from hesitant to adventurous? To find that oomph and intrepid spirit again?"
It's difficult, I think. The core of writing -- as much as I understand it -- is based on the idea of presenting one idea (or an idea which is commonly understood) and then reversing it by showing it in a new light, or clashing it against another idea.
The problem is that to think of a really *good* reversal can take time. In the short I'm working on at the moment, should the nurse/nun be a helper to the lacklustre hero, helping him escape the Fist of God -- or should she be the temptress, aiming only to drive him off the starship and then to betray him back to the Angels?
Tricky. It takes time and consideration to come up with the best approach. Whatever that is.
Bah.