Triumphant comeback notwithstanding, my writing output's been herky-jerky, a paragraph here, 1000 words there. Days in between. I've heard people suggest giving myself a deadline, but then I'd just feel guilty about breaking an arbitrary goal I'd set for myself. I don't need more practice with that, to be honest.
I thought I'd try immersion, a couple of weeks ago. I discovered Camp Nanowrimo (www.Campnanowrimo.org), a new 50k-in-one-month project brought to the world in August. I cranked out 1700 words the first day and then let life distract me. Vet appointments, changes at work, dates with the hubby, lollygagging. Today's the 8th? Yeah. But, hey. 1700 (Ok, about 2000--I've added a few bits here & there since the 1st) words more than what I had on July 31st, and a new idea for a longer story out of it, as well. So, I'm ahead, relatively speaking.
I have my shiny new replacement computer provided by the nice NVidia folks, and I still get a wee thrill when I sit down in front of it. My office is cozy, environmentally encouraging for free thinking and navel gazing. I have pistachios. All systems go.
(crickets chirping)
I think part of the problem (beyond the nameless terror preventing me from making an honest effort) is my tendency to dwell on how little time I have in blocks. Not that I don't really have enough time, because I do. But I take a long time to settle in, arrange the above-mentioned bowl of pistachios (and the empty bowl for the shells) and a glass of iced tea into a configuration within reach but not in the way, find a place in the story to start, choose the appropriate music for the mood I'm in/trying to evoke, narrow down the font I want for the day and get into a state of proper concentration. There's serious preparation going on, here. By the time all that's done, it's time for whatever outside obligation I have for the day. And with the interruptions (potty breaks for me and the dogs, refills on the tea, checking the mail, generalized scratching,) I often get nowhere even with the best intention.
I know this is a common problem. I think it's called procrastination. I remember hearing somewhere that people aren't lazy. They're either sick or tired. That helps us feel a little better about ourselves, maybe, but the problem's still there.
But hey, I'm writing a little something every day, if only a meandering blog post or a grocery list. I use a pen to mark off the day on the calendar. Things are looking up. I'm rusty, sure. But not rusted shut.
I just had a brilliant idea. I could maintain the longest-running blog for an aspiring writer who can't ever quite get to the writing. Each week a new hope, dashed by ennui, anxiety and/or prime-time television. Tonight was "True Blood." You don't expect me to miss that, do you? It's literary and everything. I'm studying story structure over a larger arc.
I'm 43. I'm a patient woman. The question is, how much time do I really have, and do I really want to be writing horror stories when I'm 82? Ok, that's not the question, because the answer is yeah, I really do want that. The question is, when will I hit bottom and start to crawl back up, so i can be writing stories when I'm 82? See? Plenty of time.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
If I would have known you were doing the summer nano, I'd have cheered for you! Because, you know, I'm doing it too...
ReplyDeleteBut before this? Nothing. For so long. I set up my account at WDC again, in the hopes that paying for it would guilt me into writing. Apparently, it is my slack-tax, or something.
As far as this nano, I'm a bit behind, but still plugging along. Maybe you could come back to it? :)
Another Brandie Bruce novel? Awright! Are you posting any of it anywhere? I decided to try the Camp almost at the last second and thought if I tried it without telling people, I might relax into it and not feel expectations lurking over my shoulder. Ha! Turns out my expectations breath harder than anyone else's. Next time, I'll be sure to tell you when I'm doing something insane. :D
ReplyDeleteI was like that for a long time - still am some days - so I understand what you're going through. Writing is *hard*, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Some days I get 3-4000 words out, but those are the good days. Most, I count myself lucky if I get 2000 down. All I can say is keep writing. Even if it's only a little. "Writing begets writing". Someone clever said that (definitely not me), and it's true. He also said "not writing begets not writing," and that's true too. Not letting the procrastination distract you is easier said than done, I know, but if you can find a way to avoid it, you'll be golden. :)
ReplyDeleteHi, Cheryl--Thanks for your comment. "Not writing begets not writing" belongs on my wall, in plaque form. Truth likes to hit right between the eyes, doesn't it? I appreciate the encouragement and will keep slogging along. :)
ReplyDeleteEthan--Great idea. Love it. Holding myself hostage, and even better, holding myself hostage where I can also score snacks and coffee is brilliant. I even used this trick during Nano 2011, so I'm laughing at myself for not thinking of continuing the practice year-round. Thanks!
ReplyDelete