i mentioned i've been working on a story, editing with the help of a friend. i also mentioned i haven't done much editing (of my own writing) before, and the effect it's having on me is weird. for me.
one of my strengths as a writer has always been my sense of my self, my voice. i've struggled with plenty of aspects of writing--pov and tense, for two--but i've never had trouble deciding how i want to say something. the words just come.
well, until now, they have.
this editing is getting under my skin. i second-guess choices, fuddying around with minor phrases, writing and rewriting sections of story much more than i ever did. i'm a little rattled. as sure as i have always been, i'm now unconfident about how to express myself, and that leaves me dreading writing altogether. oh, i've been working on this story, and just fought my way through another flash piece, but make no mistake, it was a fight.
i need to find a way back to the flow. to the writing to just fucking say it and not doubt every word i wrench from my brain. argh. damn this editing! and thank god for it.
maybe this is the next natural growth spurt, accepting my faults, seeing my skills clearly and without ego . . . maybe? or maybe i'm all ego right now, rubbed raw by an outsider reworking my own words, smoothing over where i felt i wanted emphasis. well, either way i'll be back to report on the situation.
here's a succinct article on methods to build confidence with writing:
http://www.writergazette.com/articles/article306.shtml
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I know exactly what you mean about the second-guessing. I have been doing a lot of it myself lately, when I try to write. And maybe that is why I had to stop working on River City--I just couldn't make the words come out. I have confidence that you will make this transition, though. You are a very good writer, and will find your voice again.
ReplyDeletethanks, b--knowing you're there in the same pocket is weirdly reassuring. plus, i feel much better now. :D i have no doubts you'll get to feeling confident again, too. you, who have finished two novels!
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